What they did was come up with staggered strike days. They would take off 24 hours this day, then 48 later in the week, for example. They say it was to alleviate some of the misery on the customers, but I'm pretty sure it was just to draw the whole thing out and really drive home their point.

Now, I'm not sure what their point is. I can't imagine that the big corporate bosses really care about the timely delivery of their junk mail and I'll be darned if I can understand what the customers are supposed to do. But, whatever. I have had an image of Sally Fields standing valiantly on top of a mail bag with a hastily written "Strike" sign written on the back of a mail order catalog, so I can at least vaguely support the lazy little fuckers who don't want to work their scheduled hours.

But now it's personal.

See, the people who talk to me in real life know that I get a lot of packages. Seriously. A lot of packages. They're work related, but I'm not a drug dealer or anything. I just get a lot of packages. My office job is flex, though, so I can pretty easily accommodate waiting around a wee bit for mail to arrive when I know it is coming. But my personal theory--and I swear, this is not paranoia--is that my mail delivery guy hates for me to actually receive my packages.

See, if you miss delivery, you get your little slip. The little slip means you have to wait 48 hours to pick up your package or to have it redelivered. Now, if you say, "fine, whatever, give me my package two days from now" and miss that again, you have to start all over. It's obnoxious. And their pick up times are dreadful--7 am to 1 pm during the week. You know who can pick up during those hours? People who don't have jobs. You know who doesn't need to pick up packages? People who don't have jobs and can hang out in their house and get the damn thing to start with.

But, alright. That's cool. I can play your little game, Post Master. When I realized their set up, I started tracking when my package was sent, watching when it should be delivered, and preemptively taking that morning off to sit here.

It worked the first couple of times.

And then Post Master got super-wily. He would wait on me to leave. You think I'm kidding? One morning, the expected package didn't show up. There it was, 10.30 in the morning, no package...so I figure, hey, I guess I was wrong, right? The packages tend to come around 9.30, so no biggie, it just got delayed. I'll take tomorrow off too. I leave the house at 10.32.

I come home to a package saying Post Master tried to deliver my package at 10.36. I can wait 48 hours to play again.

Now, I would point out that the post is delivered from right to left from my door and that I walk about ten minutes to the right when I go to work, so I couldn't help but to walk by the Post Master if he was really just honestly delivering his packages, rather than hiding out watching my door, but you might think I'm insane. So I won't say it. But I'm thinking it.

I'm resourceful and I've got a friendly boss, so I decided that from now on, I would take off TWO mornings from the first possible day it could arrive and stay here until noon. There will be no deliveries after noon, for pete's sake, so I'm in with a chance.

Or so I thought.

I got notification that a delivery was dispatched to me yesterday. "Sweet," I thought, "I'll take off Friday morning and then sit here all day Saturday. That package. Will. Be. Mine."

Hear me, children, and know the ways of the Post Master--

Please, give me a show of hands of every person in the UK who has ever had a package sent one day and had it delivered the next--ESPECIALLY with a strike going around. Anyone? ...Anyone? That's right. Because IT ISN'T DONE.

Unless, of course, you've pissed off your personal Post Master. Do you think Post Master is unaware of the fact that with the impending strike action running across the country from Monday to Friday of next week that they aren't even setting up redelivery? Do you think it has escaped his attention that my only hope is that I show up at 7 in the morning on Saturday and stand in line with the other desperate unwashed in the hopes that our packages won't disappear for another full week?

Don't be ridiculous. Post Master knows. Post Master knows that he is withholding the frickin' Deluxe Vibrating Nipple Clamps that I don't even want to take delivery on BUT HAVE TO.

This round goes to Post Master. But I'm not giving up yet.

Oh, no. I'm not giving up yet, Post Master.