First, let me go ahead with the disclaimers: I'm totally down with someone not having their own religious beliefs. I am also aware that if you do not have your own religious beliefs--or ones that are not in line with my own--that it may be amusing to poke fun at beliefs you do not hold. I am cool with that to a degree. This post is not about making someone believe what I believe.

Okay, so what really churns my butter? People who talk about Hell as though it is the best eternal party ever conceived, filled with the cool kids and really good music. You know what I mean, when people make the comments about how "Heaven sounds boring, I would rather hang with my friends in Hell"? Yeah, that.

I get that that is supposed to be shorthand to convey the feeling of "I am not beholden to the religious dogma that would make me less fun or less interesting--I am edgy and cool and subversive when it doesn't cost me anything." Got it. However. If that is the case, just discount the existence of Heaven and Hell completely and be done with it, mmkay? Because what you're doing instead is...hm. It's not quite mocking someone's religious beliefs. It's more...making them beyond inconsequential by changing their meaning yet underscoring their actuality. It's worse than saying "Heaven and Hell don't exist" because what you're saying instead is, "Heaven and Hell may exist and yet I still laugh at the concept".

Here's the thing: the concept of Heaven in its purest is of being one with God. A higher understanding, pure contentment, the joy and warmth that comes from being in the presence of God. Right? The concept of Hell is the opposite--the soul death that comes from having God turn His back on you and deny you the comfort of His existence. It is being bereft of all comfort, joy, and peace. It is misery, torture and pain.

Please note that I said "misery, torture, and pain" not "hanging out with some of the greatest thinkers of history drinking absinthe while rock bands play in the background". Do you see the difference?

If Hell truly does exist, you would not enjoy the experience. You would not 'at least find it interesting'. By that token, if Heaven exists, you would not be bored with the pleasantness of the experience. If we were all so bored with pleasantness, we would replace our mattresses with beds of nails and eat a whole lot more rat poison.

In short, your shorthand sucks and it irritates. Stop it, please.