Alrighty, I'll get on putting up another postful of general profile tips, but I really need to address a serious personal issue.

Gentlemen, you need to stop trying to get my attention by pulling on my pigtails. We're not in school anymore (or...if you are, you're too young for me. Roll on, wee chappie, roll on), so I don't get why you think some internet equivalent of hitting the girl you like is going to work.

I get a lot of emails; especially since the panels started, I have an inbox that is all snarled up with panel commentary, regular friends' emails, people requesting a critique, and then the usual "I noticed your profile, how YOU doin'" messages. I do answer all my emails, but I can understand that you might worry about finding a way to catch my attention amidst the mess. You need a hook. I understand that. You know what won't catch my attention in a good way? Insulting me.

So here's some advice for getting a favorable reply from me:

*If my profile says that I no longer need information on cricket, do not write to me to tell me that I clearly just need someone who can explain it in smaller words, since Americans don't "get it"

*Do not send me an email which makes fun of every interest I have listed and then tacks a paragraph on the end which says "If this email makes you angry, it is only because Americans don't get irony. Write to me and I'll explain it to you"

*As my profile clearly says not to mock the Meatloaf to me, do not think that mocking Meat will get me to think you're really rebelliously cool. It doesn't. It makes me think you are a twerp.

These are not made up tips--I got three emails in the past six hours which hit each one of these marks. I don't know what about my profile screams out "I like a guy to treat me mean to keep me keen!", but you should ignore that little voice.

It lies to you.